Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
