I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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