You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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