I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
