umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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