So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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