You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
