there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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