I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize