Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And then he peed in my hair
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