my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
