I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were destined to go to rehab together
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize