i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
