so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
