You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bring money and cleavage
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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