just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
