I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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