Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
