I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
