Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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