you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
