I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize