I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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