ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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