Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I smell stomach acid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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