I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
