i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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