oh god the rape fog is back!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
