his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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