When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
