hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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