Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
