Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
