just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone signed my nipple.
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