Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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