Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm too high and old for this...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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