She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
