just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
