Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
