It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize