First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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