i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
