I think I won the penis lottery.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
