I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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