I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
