he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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