the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize