I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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