i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize