This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
