My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
