i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
