I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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