At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
