I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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