all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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