she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
