She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
