You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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