I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
