haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
