I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
