when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
