New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
