9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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