So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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