We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
