his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
