just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
