Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
