when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize