I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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