just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
