we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
