I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
