I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
