Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
