Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
