did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
