forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize