Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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