I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
