I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's official drugs can't kill me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
