i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
