I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
