you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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