So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
