So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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