girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
