I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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