mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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