We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
