if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
