Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
