My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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