I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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